i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
