He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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