I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
