how hairy? two words: wookie tits
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
