3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
