she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
