i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
