It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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