I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
