stop calling my apartment porn island.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
