She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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