If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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