we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
