Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize