it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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