I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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