:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
