Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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