totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
