You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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