so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
