can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
