I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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