ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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