Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
