If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize