My hair reeks of homosexuality.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I believe in your delicious
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
