Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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