wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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