I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
