She is in my trunk
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize