we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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