i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
