lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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