It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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