Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
