four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
