i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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