you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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