I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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