I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
