Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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