Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize