I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
