It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
