brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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