shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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