The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Mom said you looked used
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
