You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
