fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
