I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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