I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
