So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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