so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
