let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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