Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
