How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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