I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
