saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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