I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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