This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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