What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
