I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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