Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
