I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
