I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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