So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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