i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
