guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
