Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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