My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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