Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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